Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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