you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
