I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
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You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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