I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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