I will die if light touches me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
