The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
