So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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