we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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