the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
