i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
