Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I believe in your delicious
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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