last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
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By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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