dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I am one with the molecules
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
