sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
