I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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