Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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