that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
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At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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