I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize