i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
