fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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