Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize