literally had 100 drinks last night.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
