you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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