he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
