just come out here and I will go home with you...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
