did you get engaged???
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
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apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
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I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
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