One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize