I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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