he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
