dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
