FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize