some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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