Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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