I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
