I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
