At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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