Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
