I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
