I heard we made out
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need moral support for this bender
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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