Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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