If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Randomize
