Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
