we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
