Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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