he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
