plz talk dirty to me
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
