problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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