fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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