Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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