I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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