I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize