Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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