i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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