Three words: puerto rican gang bang
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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