then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
