If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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