oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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