we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
