Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
