"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
