I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
