i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
