If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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