walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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