He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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