omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
