Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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