i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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