matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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